My old roommates dad once read my palm and told me that the east coast was bad for me, and that the west coast and I were spiritually aligned. This was when I was living in San Francisco, after I had already gotten a New York phone number but before I had met the person I would move to New York for--I'd meet him later that year. There were other things that he knew about me just from my palm: he knew I'd been very sick when I was 3 years old, he knew that I didn't really look like either of my parents.
New York destroyed me. But to be fair, I didn't love SF when I first moved either, I really had to grow to love it. Maybe the city had to grow on me or I had to grow in it. When I came back to San Francisco this time, it felt so peaceful, I felt so....good. And part of it definitely has to do with my wonderful friends, but maybe it was something else at power too. I didn't wake up in the middle of the night for all the weeks I was there.
Despite the feeling of easiness, it was also easy to say goodbye to it again, to come back to snow and the winter. Maybe I am more arrogant now, equipped with the knowledge that I've cut myself before, but I just know I need to, there's so many things I want to do. I've unironically been telling people I need to stay hungry hahaha and California keeps me feeling too well fed. And if this is a terrible idea, well it's the perfect time, right? Young with nothing to lose, really.
Let's destroy myself just a little more to create my vision, it'll be worth it. Burn my palms to move the stars the way I want, that's all I've ever known. California, I'll see you soon.
Ada Limón: There was a sign and it said, This earth is blessed. Do not play in it. But I swear I will play on this blessed earth until I die. I relied on a Miracle Fish, once, in New York City, to tell me my fortune. That was before I knew it was my body’s water that moved it, that the massive ocean inside me was what made the fish swim.