SIDE A. INTIMACY
I was eating ice cream with N the other day, and I told her I’ve always wanted to marry young (young in terms of what big city people consider young lol, people get married when they’re like 20 where we’re from). I get mixed reactions when I tell people, I remember I also said this to T and he asked me why, but my answer is always the same: I want to grow with them.
Youth is obviously irreplaceable. And I get that you can love someone, have feelings for someone, vibe with someone who you’ve known for 1 month more than someone you’ve known for 3 years—I fall in love all the time hahaha. But this knowing of someone has to come with time as you experience life together.
Sure, I can agree with the concept of two wholes coming together to form a pair, but what’s wrong with becoming whole together? Maybe it can get messy as you weave in and out of each other, and the knots will be hard to undo if you decide to end things, but isn’t that the point?
And maybe I am just possessive, but I like knowing things about you that no one else knows, or very few do. Even the stupid things (maybe especially so) like I know what colour you painted your nails today, I know what you ate at work, I know that you’re watching Spy x Family. But also; I know what your nails looked like in high school, I know what you used to eat for lunch, I know that you watched Teen Wolf. More than just familiarity, I guess it’s intimacy—knowing the image that everyone else sees, but also knowing the reason for that image and behind that image.
SIDE B. FREEDOM
There’s a freedom that intimate love gives you, where suddenly you don’t need everyone’s approval, you don’t need everyone to get where you’re coming from, you don’t need love from everyone, because you already have that one person who loves you, understands you, sees you. For some this might be God, for others, it could be parents, and for me it’s you.
It's like when you're a kid and you walk across the street with your parent. You don't have to look both ways, you don't have to be scared, you can just move forward because you trust the person beside you. Oh, but what if you become Icarus, flying too high, too close to the sun? Maybe the fall shouldn't be the focus (haha how arrogant does that sound but)—isn't that remarkable in itself, to fly that high? To even reach the sun?
I’ve been slowing making my way through jeen-yuhs, and it’s actually insane to see the drive that Kanye had since he was a kid. Getting rejection after rejection, but still believing in himself and the future he envisioned, basically speaking things into existence years before they happened—in his words, “There’s people that might be better programmers, better rappers, but where I think I really won is I had the heart.” And like Coodie says in the documentary, it’s easy to see where Kanye got his heart when you see how his mom interacted with him, really knew him, even remembering his raps from high school. Donda had unwavering love and belief in Kanye, that became instilled in him too.
“I rhymed hard with reward? That’s a good rhyme right there.” “You did. I said, keep on going that’s a million dollars. Everything you’d do, I said that’s a million dollars.”
It’s easier to jump when you know you have a place to land. And of course that doesn’t mean that you won’t get hurt. But—bell hooks: Being loving does not mean we will not be betrayed. Love helps us face betrayal without losing heart. And it renews our spirit so we can love again.
You can move with love. Not just with the intention of giving love, but with the knowledge that you are intimately loved, and that is the best way to move. Thank you for allowing me to be free.
hi if you’re reading this the day it releases, a new ep of spy x family is out today lol. also, i’m flying to new york tomorrow!!!!! wish me luck <3<3 and give me recs of (vegetarian friendly lol) places to eat :)))
love's freedom
spy x family supremacy!!
also love this
> Oh, but what if you become Icarus, flying too high, too close to the sun? Maybe the fall shouldn't be the focus (haha how arrogant does that sound but)—isn't that remarkable in itself, to fly that high? To even reach the sun?