extremes / regeneration
you can take the girl out of the prairie but not the prairie out of the girl
extremes are a double edged sword, and when i remember how insane i got this time around, i think never again, but that’s not the really the truth. i still want to feel like that. i still want the highs, with the potential of the lows—potential, potential will be the death of me, all i see is rosy potential.
i want to give you the power to hurt me, knowing that you never will. i love high risk, high reward, but i’m scared right now like i have never been before, so i’ll deny the possibility of either until i know i can handle it again. extreme but i’ve only ever been comfortable in extremes, i’ll work on it next year, i promise.
don’t get me wrong, i almost always have hope, and even if i don’t, i know i should have hope, so i have faith, and i also have Faith, and that’s why i can step back and wait until i’m ready again.
spencer: Destruction offers space for reconstruction. Wounds offer space for regeneration. Apocalypse offers the chance at an alternative reality.
people say that big cities, especially new york, are places where you can experience the height of human creation, wonder, possibility. and it’s true, it’s hard not to get swept up in the passion everyone seems to have. but it’s the rural areas where you can experience the height of nature’s creation, wonder, possibility. especially in the prairies where you can see the sky for miles and miles—it’s hard not to get swept up in its beauty.
if nature makes you realize your unimportance, cities give you a sense of importance. i don’t think either is bad, but too much of one can’t be good. i used to hate the insignificance i felt growing up here, but after a tough summer in the city, spending a month tending to my mom’s garden and speeding down empty highways under a huge starry sky was what i needed.
and so a place i desperately wanted to leave has become a safe haven and now i’m scared to leave, even to a place that’s familiar to me. a few days left and i’ll be off. i’m trying to be patient with myself, but i just want to feel like myself again. maybe that’s not possible, and that’s ok, maybe a different version of me can be better.
mei-mei brussenburgge: Fear rises and dissipates into the forest, because of my happiness walking with you and my desire for time, the nutriment / … / I feel joy, but it is relative.
september, please be gentle with me.
hi, by the time you read this, i’ll be in toronto <3 hope to see some of u soon, and pls give me some poetry recs!
vibe check:
tfw you want to play a cute otome game so you don’t lose your sense of wonder at love and then you end up in a CAGE and DIE.